And I Fell In Love…

I didn’t want any of this; never wanted to fall in love.

I didn’t want to fall weak.

I didn’t want to fall in love. 

But then, when you smiled a smile that touched your eyes,  Continue reading And I Fell In Love…

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The Taste of Iron.

I pulled my jacket closer to my racing heart; walking as fast as my stilettos would let me without falling. I could hear his jeering and whistles; the lewd comments. I was still untouched, but I felt like each piece of clothing on me was being stripped away slowly.

“Arrey. Where are you running off to, Miss? That too all alone? It isn’t safe. Why don’t you come with me? I’ll drop you. Safe and sound.”

He rasped, hissing those last few words into my ears like a snake ready strike; blocking my way. I felt my body’s temperature drop dead in this winter night of December, my face matching the snow that covered the city and heart whose beat echoed with fear, paralyzing my mind. Instinctively, I tried pushing him away, my gloved palms against his coat of shame; only to find pain shooting up my wrists as he pinned me against the bricked walls of the alley; coming so close to me that I could hear his heartbeat and see the small dot of a mole on the left hand side of his beaked nose.

Trying to free myself from his strong clutches, I screamed for help into the vast skies that echoed my cries in response. Some shops would still be open; the time to shut the doors hadn’t come yet. There would be kids playing somewhere nearby in the fields. I tried screaming again, kicking, all the time as he let out laughs of amusement that tormented me.

“Kyun apne aap ko itni takleef de rahi ho, mohterma?”

There was the ruffling of papers on the road, the steady pulling of chains of a cycle. There was a halt in the movements of my tormentor. He’d heard it too.

 Was there someone nearby?

But the opening in darkness closed as soon as the light seemed to touch my eyes. And I saw the gleam of pure thrill in his eyes that pushed me further into the void.

Screaming my lungs out of breath, I kept kicking and clawing at him; any sort of bruise that might stop him. That might save me. And with each wound I tried to give him, I was attacked with more fervor and left with a wound deeper. Kneeing him in his masculinity, I felt his grip loosen and saw agony in his eyes leave his lips as a hiss through his clenched teeth. Taking advantage of this weakening, I shoved him against the wall and ran. 

Only to hear my jacket rip, be thrust onto the ground as the wind abused my exposed dignity.

“BITCH! TRYING TO ACT SMART, HUH? NOW YOU SEE WHAT I’LL DO WITH YOU.”

The skies bled my tears and became the dome echoing my doomed screams. With every fiber torn, there was a cloud ripped from the sky. With every wail, a crow cried somewhere. The coldness of the crime discolored the winds as it engulfed me in shivers. An agony of an imprint here, and gnash there.

I’d felt the dial of my watch crack as I’d hit the ground, freezing time in itself. Freezing the pain, dragging it for as long as what seemed forever.

“If you love your life, keep your mouth sealed. Otherwise I’ll seal your mouth for forever.”

 I watched him walk away with the steps of content and indifference.

I ached all over; on the outside and inside. I didn’t know which pain hurt more; physical or emotional. As I picked up my shredded dignity, I felt a cry rise in my throat. I hugged my knees and cried into the sky that was dark as my smudged kajal. Cried into the night to swallow me. Cried as the pain lapsed, breaking me into pieces I couldn’t join. Cried for it to be nightmare.

Walking down the streets of the neighborhood, I gave a nervous glance behind me. The fear of being followed never left me. It had been a year but still, empty roads, new people knotted my stomach. I forgot what peaceful nights meant, always waking up the same nightmare with my heart crushed in a fist that left me breathless. I remember walking these roads with a smile on my lips and skip to my walk. I remember laughing at jokes, going out with people. But all seemed lost in a land I couldn’t find on the map now. Neither the love nor the people. The only thing remaining was the ache of memories. Memories of a life I once lived. The ache of a reminder that reflected in the eyes of the ghosts of my past every time I crossed the room. The ache of being the victim.

***

Continue reading The Taste of Iron.

“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.”

Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

-Pablo Picasso

"The eyes are useless when the mind is blind."
“The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.”

 

Abstract Shiv.

10 minutes mania.

"Music is a world within itself with a language we all understand." -Stevie Wonder
“Music is a world within itself with a language we all understand.”
-Stevie Wonder
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become." -Buddha
“The mind is everything. What you think, you become.”
-Buddha
"The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology can not explain us. Men can be analyzed, women merely adored." -Oscar Wilde
“The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology can not explain us. Men can be analyzed, women merely adored.”
-Oscar Wilde

Silence's Scream

 

The New Beginning Jitters-Part II.

He checked the number of suitcases one more time. Checked the locks. All good. He glanced at the room, taking it in; the subtle changes in it. The addition of a new cupboard that was filled with a new set of clothes that belonged to someone else, the jewelry box that was settled in the lower drawer on the left hand side of the dressing table; the tiny studded silver box filled with vermilion on top. The change of sharing in the air, that someone else was also walking these wooden floors; brushed the switches with their fingertips accordingly; warmed themselves with the same blanket as he did; dreamt on the same bed. That he shared his life with someone else too now.

It was surreal, in ways he couldn’t fathom any words to express. But it was beautiful.

Continue reading The New Beginning Jitters-Part II.

The New Beginning Jitters-Part I.

The soft tinkling of her anklets accompanied her as she took her steps on the petal-ed path towards her future. Wondering. Wondering if the path continued to be the same. Or would it prick her feet? She saw the kids playing around, running after each other oblivious to the brimming emotions. Perhaps they were playing Catch Me If You Can? She smiles remembering her childhood; running around in the garden, hiding behind trees, portraying her artistic skills on the freshly pressed lavender colour cotton frock with white frills her mother had so patiently cleaned the very last week, and how she always won with her brothers; how they’d just miss to catch her. She’s the youngest in the house. Her eyes filled with tears, threatening to spill. “No. No. Not now.” she moaned. The poor lady worked so hard on her makeup, and she was rather fond of the way she’d highlighted her hazel coloured eyes. No, she wasn’t going to drown the world right away. That could wait till the bidai. God, it’s going to be Noah’s Ark all over again. She’d heard the baarat come in all their glory; dancing, singing, celebrating. What’s that song the band’s playing? She can’t recall it now but she can’t stop her feet tapping to the beat, the anklets’ singing drowning in the celebrations sent to the heavens; they reminded her of the vacation in Dubai during the World Record New Year. The last New Year she spent as a princess. She took a few more cautious steps. A few more baited breaths.
Continue reading The New Beginning Jitters-Part I.

Silence’s scream.

My skin’s more blue than white. Eyes reflecting those of a resident of hell. Out of fear. Out of pain. Of those sleepless nights. Those nights whose silence echoed with my screams. Those nights which were nightmares alive. Nights whose daylight never knocked ever again. Why is it that I am killed every day? My happiness choked? I was told my life would change forever. It did. But, to be changed into the life where dreams come true, not where nightmares haunt even when the Sun was out. Why is it that even my likes inflict pain on me? Why is it that my acceptance isn’t valued till it’s packaged in gold? Why is it that all my breaths are punished with agony? Why is it that my worth is less than none? Why is it that my smile never touches my eyes? Why is it that every beat of my heart bursts with trauma and terror? Why is it that my tears are dried up when my eyes still scream? Why is that all the makeup in the world can’t hide my torture? Why is it so hard for you to think of me as a human, as equal? Why is it that this relation is of love just for the namesake? Why is that you promised me brightness when all you wanted to do was drown me in darkness? Why…

The Forever Welcome.

You stood by the door. Perhaps nervous. But reflected nothing but confidence. You were new. In the school. In our lives. You smiled wide. Dazzled us with your caring eyes. You smiled. At our naivety. At our naughty innocence. You smiled. At the beckoning bonding. For a year? Or perhaps, forever? Playing back the days of your baby steps. Your years of previous attachments. Your farewell. You stepped into a world so known yet unknown. But you embraced us. Like we were yours. From forever.  Till forever.

Months have gone by. Priceless moments’ been cherished. Laughed at. Enjoyed. Those shrewd secrets. Those everyday silent parties. Those chit chats. All treasured. To be laughed at again. Till the sun bids adieu. Till the stars stop to sparkle. Till all love is lost. You came in new. But you came to stay forever. Trapped forever. In limitless time. Welcome to our family. To our lives. Welcome to our hearts…

The Canvas.

The sky lay out like an untouched ocean with clouds floating like lotuses of a moonlit pond. He craned his neck to see the Sun dive into the heaven’s oceans; diving into unknown depths; to rise from another ocean. There were some teasers here and there, like the pathway of an invisible diver, shining a torch with yellow light onto the cotton candy above him. He was reminded of the cotton candy delights he’d savor while the grass tickled his crossed legs and the sun glittered his back with diamonds in the July fairs.

But wait, there’s more!

A Reconnaissance in Rhetorical